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08 September 2006 @ 03:38 pm
 
As I sit here, I think about all the classes I have yet to take, and all the tests, and the papers to write, and the applications to fill out, and I want to wretch. I think about the Food Zoo and I never want to eat again. I think about living on campus and I feel claustrophobic.

There is nothing in what I am doing right now that seems right to me, that seems like it's pointing in the correct or desired direction. I feel stagnant, like my inner compass is drifting every which way, like I will never figure out what it is that makes me happy and do it. I want to be gone from here, away from campus, away from Montana, away from the usual and the expected and the Food Zoo. I want to go somewhere else, somewhere new, and get a job there. I want to live there and read there and write there. I want to live and stop ploughing through this tedium.

Ironic, isn't it, that what I really want will be so much harder to achieve without graduating first. I fucking hate school and this fucking campus and this fucking meal plan. I am so burnt out on my life. I want change, something new, something good and refreshing. I don't want New Criticism or Euler Circuits or "The Red Wheelbarrow" or The Wellness Wheel. I want life. Life is somewhere, but I don't know where. And yet, really, I can't get there unless I finish with school. Because life costs money. No wonder so many people commit suicide every year.
 
 
 
Mirandadaisyjo_mira on September 10th, 2006 07:42 am (UTC)
your choice of words are strong and clear. you express the way you feel well. I love you Meg, you know that, and I will do anything at anytime for you.
pyrkwaydiods on February 17th, 2013 03:37 am (UTC)
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